can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
