Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I need to calm my uterus...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
