Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
