Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
