I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
