We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
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Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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