i need an iv and a liver transplant
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
