I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
