When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
