im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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