I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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