Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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