So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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