Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She told me I should be a condom model.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
