totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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