I accidentally had phone sex last night
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
