omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize