people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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