the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
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We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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