this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
