god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
