Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize