i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
