Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
