wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
