Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
