he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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