oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
