i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
