I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
