my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
