dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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