im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
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Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
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Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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