I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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