Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
