Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
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Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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