i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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