foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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