this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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