i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My balls are so social today.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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