wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
