3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
