white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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