all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
