You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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