I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Are we still banned from the library?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
