So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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