Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
whose ass print is on the piano?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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