Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
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She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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