It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
