just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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