The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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