I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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