shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
