i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
