I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
a search helicopter?!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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