Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
