I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
