I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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