true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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