You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
