The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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