It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
