He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
