There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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