Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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